Feel like you're playing orgasm Russian roulette every time you get busy? Yeah, you're not alone. Those sneaky O's can come easily on some days, take sooo freaking long on others, and just not show up at all when they feel like it. So what the hell is up with that?
One of the biggest reasons why women aren't climaxing every single time is because they don't realize they need clitoral stimulation before and even during sex to reach an orgasm, says Mary Jane Minkin, ob-gyn, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine.
We scoped out other factors that are blocking your big O on the regular to help your assess your risk, switch up your sex game plan, and reach sweet, sweet victory.
Read through the risk factors below, and tally up how many you frequently deal with. Then, see what your no-orgasm risk is.
1. You don't spend enough time with foreplay. If you think that penetration and G-spot action are all it takes to get to the finish line, you're sadly mistaken, says Minkin. Since the clitoris has more nerve endings than the vagina, stimulation there is more likely to result in an O, she says.
2. You're not speaking up when something feels off. Many women aren't vocal about what feels good to them, says Minkin. And if he's not doing it for you, you're not going to reach the end zone—or it could take forever, she says.
3. You're not wearing socks during sexy time. Seriously, getting cold feet might be keeping you from feeling warm and fuzzy all over, according to a Dutch study. Apparently, only 50 percent of women were able to have an orgasm at the beginning of the trials, but when the women wore socks, 80 percent had an orgasm.
4. You don't pee before sex. "If a woman is thinking about how she might have to go to the bathroom, she's more focused on controlling that function than enjoying the sensation," says Minkin. "It's a distraction." So go pee before the action heats up.
5. You're not in a relationship. Sadly, an exciting one-night stand doesn't always end in the fireworks you imagined when you first made eye contact with that random hot guy. Research shows that you're less likely to orgasm when hooking up with someone you've just met than when you're with someone you're dating. Womp.
6. You worry about having an orgasm during sex. When you're anxious about not having an orgasm fast enough—or anything else going on in your life—it can make reaching orgasm more challenging, says Minkin.
7. You're not masturbating. "If you know how you like to be aroused, you can guide your partner when you're having sex," says Minkin.
8. You're not using sex toys. "I always encourage people to use toys together because it can make foreplay more fun and make it more likely that you'll orgasm," says Minkin.
9. You usually have sex after several cocktails. "Having one glass of wine or cocktail to relax is fine," says Minkin, "but if you have two or three, it starts to dull your senses and makes it harder for you to really feel the stimulation."
Three or fewer issues: Orgasm over-acheiver
You know how to go from zero to a mind-blowing O in no time, and you should be proud of that! Keep up the crazy-good habits; you've got this under control, girl.
Four to seven issues: C O-face student
So maybe you're not hitting the high notes every. Single. Time. But you could get there with just a few simple tweaks to your routine—now that you know where to start. Once you've got those down, you'll be on your way to O-town on a more regular basis. Enjoy the ride. Wink.
Seven to nine issues: Bliss beginner
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Okay, so maybe your lack of orgasms isn't quite that serious, but bliss is still important, right? Use the helpful hints above to knock out the random things that could be ruining your roll in the hay. May the odds be ever in your favor.